My Reward
by YoruHoshi
Summary: Kenshin's thoughts during the last Ova...Spoiler alert.


Title: My Reward

Fandom: Rurouni Kenshin

Author: Hoshi

Warnings: Dark, Violence, Angst. Kenshin POV. //quotes spoken from the actual ova.//

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor do I claim to. 

  
  


Betrayal is a bitter word upon my tongue, it sticks in my throat and threatens to suffocate me. It is an even worse feeling when you know that someone you love has betrayed you. When that someone has made you feel more appreciated than you have ever been in your life...as though you really matter to someone. As though you really matter to their happiness. As though the Hitokiri Battousai could ever matter to someone like Yukishiro Tomoe. After all, I killed her love. 

The snow is cold on my face, but it cannot match how cold my heart is at this moment. All I can think of is finding the truth. Finding her. Killing her for this betrayal. Tomoe's scarf nearly slips through my fingers, and I fight through the numbing cold to keep hold of it. This is all I have left of her right now. She left it for me when she left. As what? A reminder? I look back and see that I did indeed drop it, and it swims in a pool of blood. My scar is bleeding again. 

I need to find her...tell her how much I love her. How much she has truly come to mean to me. A boy turned assassin turned...husband? We were never married, it was only our cover. Somehow it changed...I fell in love with her. I thought she did the same. I can now look her in the face and kiss her lips and slide my sword through her belly. 

I can smell her still, against my skin, where I held her. I can smell her on the scarf. 

I can let myself die when I have finished her, holding her close. I will feel the cold metal draining the heat from the inside of my body. I can't even feel the sword gripped in my fingers now. I dimly feel a stabbing pain in my shoulder, from the last set of attackers I dispatched. 

Its my life, you see. This killing, pain, betrayal....all a part of who I am. This is all I have ever known, ever expected: and when i did not expect, when I let my guard down, the one I let myself trust...deceived me. 

The tears have left me, for I am done weeping for her. I can see the small shack where I know she has fled to. Where her accomplices have congratulated her on finding me, on leading the poor fool on for so long. How cunning of you. How clever. The woman outsmarting the killer. 

My breath is frozen as I prepare for my death. I can feel her walking with me, slightly behind me, as though we are making our way into town again. Just walking as a man and his wife do, going to sell our medicines. I can feel her. I love her, and it hurts like nothing else. I suppose this is what I deserve for letting my heart rule. 

The sun pours through the cedars, shining dark and red on the snowflakes. I grip tighter on the hilt as the small building grows in size. A man, bigger than myself (and most men I know) is waiting outside. Waiting for me. So this is who she is working with. So this is who is going to try and stop me. 

He speaks to me. //Your appearance as I see it, is that of a man who has used all his strength to arrive here. You might be the Battousai, but fighting with no one to protect is indeed cruel. You had no one to protect from the beginning anyway, but we do. In the name of our feudal government, I must now conclude this matter, and at the same time, avenge my losses. That would be the one way i could make amends for not being able to protect them. //

I can hear him coming for me, though I stare at the ground. My sword comes out in a perfect arc...except for the fact that I have missed him entirely and his fist is driving into my jaw, sending me backwards. I do not fall, I manage to stay up and swing with my sword again, the scarf wrapped around the hilt of my sword fluttering in a strangely attractive way. Somehow it connects me. This is what I deserve for destroying her happiness even before she destroyed mine. 

He hits me again, and I am down, disoriented. He keeps hitting me, over and over. All that exists in this moment is the pain I am submerged in, and that smell. I hear him take out his knife. He intends to finish me now, and I cannot let him do that. 

I scream, though it never leaves my throat. My teeth are bared, I can only see out of one eye. I run, blindly. I hear myself stumbling through the snow, the crunching of powder beneath my feet. //Its because of me that you lost your happiness. I have stolen that precious thing away from you....in ignorance.// 

Oh please, I need to do this, I need to get through this! I need to say I'm sorry, I'm so sorry....I need to be with my Tomoe, I can forget this life, this assassin's life...

My arms jerk a bit as I feel my blade connect with flesh. The heavy scent of blood running over the heavy scent she wore...

Tomoe? 

I can hear your words, your voice, speaking to me of everyday things. I want to go back, to be a husband, a simple medicine vendor. To be able to eat across from you, see you smile, hold you with no fear. To watch you writing in your little book by the lantern light. 

[i]I cannot change the past and I am damned to live my present; although I understand that I cannot stop the yearning![/i]

The scarf flies past me, disentangled from my fingers, and I open my eyes against the movement. My weapon has indeed met its mark. 

I can no longer dream about going back.

For I have no one to go back to.

[i]I'm so sorry...[/i] 

  
  


~End


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